Goal Setting for Singles

Are you looking to meet a partner? Then it’s well worth goal setting. For singles, this can move you from just having the intention to actually making it a reality — planning achievable steps that will get you from where you are now, to where you want to be.

How do you set your dating goals?

Goal setting is a proven method of really practically manifesting what you want. It’s standard practice in industry, commerce, creative endeavours and climbing the property ladder. Yet so many singles don’t treat their love lives in the same way they treat their careers. So it can be easy to get stuck and staid, not moving forward or achieving in the areas you want to. And if you’re not getting anywhere in your search for a mate right now, this could well be the answer.

How do you go about setting goals for yourself?

Maybe you already have some goals in mind. If not, now’s the time for some soul-searching. Write down where you want to be - in terms of your relationship status - in a year’s time, five years' time and ten years’ time. This includes the type of person you want to be with and the kind of life you’ll have as a couple. Long term goal examples may be to backpack the world with a partner, have three children, or start a smallholding together.

Top relationship goals for singles

Think about the micro-goals you can create to work towards these major goals — where you’ll meet the kind of people who are into the same things as you and who have similar plans.

Dating is often a numbers game. That means meeting enough single people to find one who’ll match long term. But it’s also about being strategic and looking in the right places. It’s so easy to waste time and energy on the wrong people, preventing you from getting to know the right ones.

What goals should I set?

Set goals that will get you out of the house and mixing. And choose places to do that, which are likely to have the biggest number of single people within your target demographic. Here are some suggestions for possible short-term goals that you can tweak and personalise to fit you.

• Join a local group based on an area of interest for you (book clubs, drama groups and sports clubs for example)
• Go to a speed dating event every month for the next four months
• Arrange six dates from an online dating site in the next eight weeks

Your goals may be outward-focused, like the ones above, or inward-focused, based on factors like improving your dating confidence or getting to grips with why you tend towards unsuitable lovers. In the latter instance, a great goal can be to find and read two books on the relevant topics or have a set of counselling sessions. Be real about areas that are not serving you when it comes to accessing potentially suitable mates and seek to change them.

Smart goals for dating

It’s not enough to just come up with some goals. You need a plan to action them and get results. You may use SMART goal setting techniques at work. If you’re not familiar with this tool, it’s an acronym referring to the five elements needed to make your goals possible. So let’s break it down in relation to dating and singleness.

Specific - your goal must be focused not vague. ‘I want to meet someone’ isn’t going to cut it. But ‘I want to meet somebody aged 30 to 35 who lives within 60 miles of me and shares at least two of my interests’ is specific.

Measurable - How will you tell when your goal is achieved? Choose one that is clear, like ‘I’m going to ask five friends to set me up on blind dates in the next two months’ instead of ‘I’m going to go on more dates over the next few months’.

Achievable - Aim high by all means, but don’t set yourself an impossible task. Deciding you want to date Idris Elba or Emma Watson is pie in the sky unless you’re mixing in Hollywood A-list circles. Instead, think of some qualities you admire in those people and set a goal to meet someone who has them. Have a think about what might be reasonable all round for you right now. This could be a very small goal that moves you nearer to the big goal.

Relevant - Work out what your ultimate aim is and make it about that. If you want to settle down, going to a speed dating event is totally relevant. Hookups on Tinder may not be.

Time-Bound - When will the goal be ticked off? Set an expiry date to motivate you to get it done. Otherwise, you may find yourself procrastinating.

Relationship goals checklist

Now you have your goals, write them down. This is crucial. You’re likely to lose momentum unless you stick to the programme. Bigger goals may require check-ins at regular intervals to monitor your progress. All will need end dates, with reminders. There’s a shift that happens when we write down our goals, hopes and plans. It’s a good idea to keep a notebook for it and to do some journaling throughout the process too.

Goal setting is one of the best ways for singles to prepare for a relationship. And you may find the technique becomes a habit that benefits many other areas of your life also. Because while the dating journey can feel like a tough slog at times, the lessons we learn along the way can prove invaluable.

Related Questions

Can finding a partner be a goal?

Absolutely! This is one of the top goals for most of the population and a major milestone in life. Meeting your life partner is just as important as landing the perfect job, running a marathon or getting a flash car. It just comes down to what you desire as an individual.

What is a couple goal?

You may have seen the hashtag #couplegoals on social media. This is commonly used to describe a photo where the subjects are doing something or going somewhere widely considered to be aspirational. But it can also refer to an achievement between a pair, like overcoming a challenging emotional situation.

What should goals be in a relationship?

Communicating clearly, being open and honest, learning to do conflict well, spending time together, listening and having respect for one another are excellent goals. These are far more important for relationship longevity than taking an exotic vacay together!