Why Is Dating Not Working for Me?
You feel like you’ve tried everything in an attempt to meet someone. Yet somehow you just keep going round in circles with no luck, as pals successfully pair up with significant others. So what’s going wrong and why is dating not working for you?
Why is dating not working for me?
As specialists in the realm of love and dating, we totally understand how tough it can be out there for the single person seeking a partner. But we also know that your situation can completely turn around in a matter of minutes. We see it happening all the time, as attendees at our events meet and hit it off, resulting in successful couplings (something our 80% match rate pays testament to).
Although there are more options than ever before, the sheer volume of ways to meet people can be overwhelming, confusing or leave you feeling like you’ve failed. Firstly, it’s really important to know that you’re not alone and that there are steps you can take to change your dating destiny.
When you have no luck dating
Dating is a kind of lottery. But it’s also a numbers game. This means you may get lucky and find somebody special with relative ease, or when you’re not expecting it. However, if this doesn’t happen, you’ll need to be a little more strategic in terms of covering as much ground as possible, within your target demographic.
Let’s take a look at some of the common reasons why dating might not be working for you.
You’re not meeting enough people
This should be your first question — are you meeting enough people? If you’re working and mixing with the same groups of people all the time, then you’re definitely not. Expand your circles as much as possible and take opportunities to mix with large numbers of singles, wherever possible. Speed dating events provide the ideal environment for this.
You’re not meeting the right people
Maybe you are meeting lots of people, but they’re just not suitable for you. It’s important to recognise what you need in a life partner, which includes factors like age range, geographical location and the readiness to commit to a serious relationship.
Your walls are up
You may want a relationship, but is that the vibe you’re giving to others? If you come off as emotionally closed or unfriendly, it will be almost impossible for anyone to form that connection with you.
You’re too fussy - or not fussy enough
This can be linked to putting your walls up… Do you feel like no one is quite good enough for you? Or perhaps you have an idealised view of your perfect mate. If so, you may need a reality check. The opposite problem occurs from those who accept inappropriate behaviour or ‘make-do’, rather than honing in on the individual characteristics needed for a relationship to flourish. If you lean too far to either extreme, try to regain a balance.
Your issues from the past are impacting the future
Some people sabotage their relationships. This may come from a place of misplaced self-preservation, fear of intimacy, a lack of self-esteem, or a deep-rooted belief that things will never work out. Take some time to think about the story you’re telling yourself and if your narrative that ‘dating will not work for me’ has become a self–fulfilling prophecy.
What to do when online dating doesn’t work
Online dating is not the be-all and end-all. Yes, apps are a wonderful tool and they were especially useful during the lockdowns of the Covid-19 pandemic, but they just don’t work for everyone all of the time. We’re all different, with varying approaches and personalities, so it figures that we may not benefit from the same dating methods.
If you have no success on dating apps
Yes, you may have a bunch of friends with glowing success stories, but we each have our own path. Giving yourself a break from swiping may be the best way forward for you right now, while you invest your energies in different methods for a period. Another element to consider is which apps you’re using. Some are geared more toward casual encounters, with others designed for those wanting something long-lasting. Do check out reviews and read the brands’ information to ensure you’re in the right digital place for you.
There’s much you can do to prepare for a relationship while single and increase your chances of making it work when you do meet somebody suitable. In the meantime, keep mingling, sign up for an upcoming speed dating event in your area and stay positive, because dating can work for you.
Related Questions
Does dating ever work out?
Yes! We know it can feel bleak out there sometimes and you may be wondering if you’ll ever find the right person. But rest assured there have been many before you who felt the same and are now in loving, committed relationships. Our blog includes lots of examples of couples who met at Slow Dating and went on to marry one another.
Why do none of my relationships last?
Perhaps the issue for you is less about finding suitable people to date, but about making it work when you do get into a relationship. There could be a number of reasons for this, but key areas to investigate are your attachment style (and that of your partners), the suitability of the people you date (in terms of your interests, compatibility and life goals) and your expectations of a relationship.
What's the hardest part about dating?
It can seem as if finding love is out of our control, giving us a sense of powerlessness. Add to this the emotive nature of relationships, the tie-in to the ability to start a family or set up a home, societal expectations and the impact on our perception of self-worth and the stakes of dating can soar sky-high. The antidote to this is to keep things in perspective and to be strategic in dating.