8 Reasons Why You’re Single

Wondering why you've not yet found a partner, despite your best efforts? If you're curious why it’s just not happening for you, read on, to discover the possible eight reasons why you’re single.

Is there a reason why I am single?

Many people believe it’s all about luck, or the stars aligning. And while there is an element of that, experience has proven that dating is more of a numbers game (the more singles you meet, the more your chances of finding one with whom you click). There are also some common factors which tend to hold us back when searching for “the one”.

Why can't I find love?

Finding love may be a different thing. Some people want to be in a more casual relationship. So we can’t automatically equate the desire to have a boyfriend or girlfriend with wanting a life or long-term partner. As such, you should begin by identifying what you want. Is it a significant other, or a low-key lover?

Why haven't I found a partner?

Let’s delve into what could be holding you back from finding love and how you can make some changes, to increase your chances of success.

1. Past hurts

Terrified of getting burned again? If you're still holding on to past relationships, whether it’s lingering feelings for an ex or unresolved emotional baggage, it can prevent you from fully committing to someone new. This emotional weight can make it difficult to connect with potential partners because part of you is still caught up in the past. Heal, forgive and let go.

2. Pickiness

Having standards and knowing what you want in a partner is important, but sometimes, being overly selective can work against you. It’s natural to have a vision of your ideal partner, but if your checklist is too long or too rigid, you might be dismissing great potential matches. Differentiate between non-negotiables (like shared values) and preferences (like height or hobbies). Loosening up on the latter could open up possibilities you hadn’t considered before.

3. Fear

Opening up to someone, sharing your fears, dreams, and flaws, and letting them truly see you can be intimidating. If you have a fear of vulnerability, and/or rejection, you might keep people at arm's length, making it difficult to build deep connections. This fear often stems from past hurts or insecurities, but if it goes unchecked, it can create a barrier to forming a meaningful relationship. Learning to embrace vulnerability, slowly and safely, can help you move forward in your romantic life.

4. Your choices

Maybe you’re single because of your choices. Do you always seem to end up in dead-end relationships? You might have thought this was bad luck. But we are usually the masters of our own fate in this regard. Choosing the wrong people to date, or a dating method that just doesn’t work for you, may be some of the choices that negatively impact your chances.

5. Your expectations of dating

It’s good to have reasonable expectations for dating. This prevents you “settling” for someone who’s not right for you. But it’s wise to take a step back, try to be objective and ask if you’re setting standards so high, or being so specific, that it’ll be impossible to find what you’re looking for. Like so many things in life, it’s about finding a balance. So take a moment to ponder on whether you’re asking for too little, or too much.

Fairy tales, movies, and social media can paint a picture of love that is far from reality. If you’re waiting for a perfect storybook romance, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Real relationships involve challenges, compromises and growth. Expecting constant romance or a partner who meets every single need perfectly can prevent you from appreciating the beauty of real-life relationships, which are often imperfect but deeply rewarding.

6. Lack of time

Work. Family. Life. It all takes your time and energy, especially if your lifestyle is full and active. The problem is, dating can eat up any spare hours and more. So it could be you’re struggling to fit it in. In which case, it’s time to find a dating method that covers a lot of ground in a short space of time (bring on the speed dating).

7. An inefficient dating strategy

Perhaps your dating strategy isn’t very efficient. It may be time-consuming, or unsuited to your personality. Or perhaps you’re stuck in a rut and need to hit the refresh button. Comfort zones are safe, but they can also be limiting. If you stick to the same routines, social circles and environments, you might not be meeting new people or exposing yourself to new opportunities. Expand your horizons and increase your chances of meeting someone special.

8. Poor self-marketing

Maybe you’re not doing yourself justice in how you present, be it online or in person. You might need better photos for your profile, or a rewrite of your bio. It could be your wardrobe needs an overhaul. Find the balance between being overly humble and bragging about your qualities and achievements. Have some chat lined up ready for your dates and build your self-confidence so you believe in yourself. It can be helpful to approach dating in a similar fashion to job applications. Put your best self forward. Unsure how you’re coming across? Ask your mates for some honest feedback.

If you’re actively seeking a relationship and haven’t found one yet, it can be frustrating, disappointing and even heart-breaking. We’re here for you and dedicated to helping you make the journey from single, to loved up.

Related Questions

Why would a person choose to be single?
Being single can be a fulfilling and empowering experience. It also provides freedom of choice and an uncomplicated lifestyle. Some choose this path because they find dating too hard.

Am I selfish for wanting to be single?
Absolutely not. It’s a question of choice and preference. So don’t listen to anyone who tells you you should find a partner.