Why Is Valentine’s Hard for Singles?

The annual celebration of love can be a challenging time — both for those flying solo and for people in relationships. In this article, we unpack the reasons why Valentine’s is hard for singles, and offer some ideas on how to make it that little bit easier.

What is negative about Valentine's Day?

Dreading the 14th of February? You’re not alone. Those who’ve recently experienced a breakup or bereavement of a partner are especially likely to feel it. But it can cause any single person to feel a little down in the dumps. And as we’re immersed in a commercialised advertising-heavy culture, the holiday is hard to escape. If you’re someone who suffers with FOMO (fear of missing out), or you’re susceptible to buy into the air-brushed, flitered versions of reality that we see on our small screens, social media may well be exacerbating the emotional difficulties you're having around Valentine’s Day.

Is feeling lonely when single normal?

Yes. But it’s not mandatory.
Perhaps you’re feeling lonely because you’ve loved and lost. Or you don’t have a special someone and really wish you did. That’s ok. In fact, it’s competely human. While Instagram would have us believe that everyone else is tucking into artfully presented plates of food, in a designer home, wearing high fashion clothes, with a gorgeous partner sporting a Hollywood smile, this is almost never a reflection of everyday life. Many are in the same situation as you. So start by rejecting the lie that everyone else is living their “best life”; then take the opportunity to identify what you want to change; and finally, start building the future you’ve imagined. It might not be perfect, but it will be progress.

How to deal with Valentine's day when you're single

So we’ve explored reasons why Valentine’s Day can feel like a pile of garbage. Now let’s look at all the ways you can take back the holiday and make it your own as a single person. And the good news is, that while this anual event has long been the realm of classic lovey-dovey couples, times are a-changing. As the 21st century progresses, we’re more and more about celebrating diversity and differences in love, rather than holding to a particular idea of relational success or expectations. Which brings us to…

Celebrating Galentine’s Day instead

If you want to feel part of the action and don’t have a partner, why not take the opportunity to spoil a friend, a family member, yourself, or even your pet? There are many types of love; the love of family is philia, mankind/others is agape, and storge is the love parents have for their offspring, for example. Romantic love, known as eros, is just one. So celebrate a different kind of love this Valentine’s and make someone else’s day.

This isn’t a new concept, in fact it’s very common in Latin American countries, where it’s popular to celebrate el día de los enamorados (the day of lovers) or día del amor y la amistad (the day of love and friendship). In these cultures, the Valentine’s equivalent does encompass couples, but the emphasis is very much on showing gratitude to friends, above partners. This is certainly something that’s on the rise in the Western world, with Galentine’s and Palentine’s Day (set as February 13th) becoming more of a thing. First mentioned by Amy Poehler's character Leslie Knope in an episode of Parks and Recreation, the term Galentine’s has been gaining momentum for a little over a decade now.

How can I stop being sad on Valentine's?

If you don’t like your single status, you can do something about it. You may feel you’ve already tried and it’s just not happening for you. But don’t give up. Try speed dating, or another round of speed dating if you’ve been before (remember, there are different attendees each time and the next event could be the one that your future spouse has booked!).

And do plan something fun for the 14th February if you know you’re likely to get the blues. We have some ideas for self-love and solo Valentine’s success here.

Related Questions

Can you be single and have a Valentine?

Absolutely. And this could be the perfect time to tell the person you’ve been crushing on, exactly how you feel — having a “Valentine” this year, could lead to you having a significant other by next year’s Valentine’s.

What are the benefits of being single on Valentine’s Day?

Looking for that silver lining? Well it’s definitely there for singles, because let’s face it, this holiday can be a headache for couples. If you’re on your own you don’t have to worry about buying cards and presents, or being disappointed by a mate who underdelivers or even forgets about it completely. You’ll have no dilemmas about what to get and if it’s good enough, or too much. And you can spend your cash on yourself instead!

Are couples more likely to break up on Valentine's Day?
Much like the festive period, Valentine’s can push couples either way. It’s one of the busiest days of the year for engagements, but similarly, the pressures of gift-giving, enforced romancing and the sense of reflection that the day brings, can push struggling relationships into a breakup.