What to Look For in a Partner

Are you unsure what you may want, or need, from a prospective other half? Or maybe you keep picking people with all the wrong qualities? Read on to find out what to look for in a partner, so you can achieve long term relationship success that lasts.

Qualities to look for in your life partner

There are some qualities you should look for that are personal to you, and others that everyone should be seeking (and aiming to have themselves). Let’s begin with the second category. Here are the character traits that equate to a good mate.

• Kind
• Respectful
• Dependable
• Accepting of who you, and others, are
• Able to communicate and listen
• Trustworthy
• Willing to compromise
• Loyal
• Considerate

Of course you should find them attractive too. But this isn’t the most important factor in a long term commitment. With the rise of online dating, it’s become more common for singles to judge one another based predominantly on a snapshot of their physical appearance, causing many to bypass someone ideal. So try to withhold snap visual judgements and dig a little deeper into who they are as a person, before you write someone off. Sense of humour is also a biggie for many searchers; this may be a key characteristic you need to look out for. However, it won’t be the case for everyone.

What makes someone a good partner?

In an ideal world, someone with a secure attachment style is preferable. But it’s not imperative. What is vital is that you choose a mate with an attachment style that’s compatible with yours. Do the opposite and you’re likely to incur a world of pain on one another; the dynamic will probably be quite toxic and result in a stressful on again/off again, hot and cold narrative. Don’t worry if attachment theory is new to you. We’ve covered it in more detail here. It’s well worth a read, as for many people understanding this can be key to finding a happy and settled relationship that lasts.

What to avoid in a partner

People who play mind games are rarely in it for the long haul. And if they are, the crazy-making isn’t likely to stop any time soon. So if someone leaves you feeling perpetually confused, unsafe, or bad about yourself and there are red flags popping up all over the place, run a mile. But you should also avoid anyone with whom you can’t be yourself. Do you love to laugh and they’re intense and serious? Chances are that’s not going to make either of you happy.

What is your ideal partner like?

We’ve covered the generic qualities to look for in a partner; because there are many traits that across the board make for a better relationship. But what about your ideal mate? In terms of specifics, we would all answer this differently. And before you get to know someoneone else, it helps to know yourself and to identify what you want and need.

Describe your ideal man or woman

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. What is your ideal woman or man like? Have a think, then write it down. List some of the attributes you think are compatible with your own personality and lifestyle. And include any individual showstoppers; like whether they should want kids and pets and where you might live. Having someone who “gets you” is important too. But can you work out who that kind of person might be? If you have some ideas along these lines, it will be far easier to spot a match, than if you’re going purely on looks and attraction.

Speaking your love language

Not everyone appreciates PDAs and some people feel uncomfortable with lots of compliments, or find gifts unnecessary. Others need their partner to be physically demonstrative to feel loved, or to have them prioritise time spent together. Find out what your own love languages are, so you can match up with somebody who has similar preferences.

Are you yet to find a partner? Let us help you. Sign up for a speed dating or singles night near you, to meet new people in your town or city. And now you know how to spot a suitable potential partner, you’ll be ready to match for good.

Related Questions

What are the “three big Cs” of a relationship?
To make any relationship work well, you need three components; commitment to one another, the willingness to compromise and the ability to communicate. If any of these have been stumbling blocks for you in the past, it’s advisable to work on improving, so things go better next time.

How do you know the right spouse for you?
Some people just know. For others it takes time, plus the feedback and affirmation of trusted family and friends. If you’re unsure whether your girlfriend or boyfriend is right for you, you may not be ready for the big step of marriage quite yet.

What are some early signs of a good relationship?
You enjoy being spending time with that person. It’s relaxing and fun rather than stressful and you don’t come away wondering whether they’re into you. Because you know where you stand. Drama can be mistaken for excitement in a relationship. But it doesn’t bode well for the future (or your cortisol levels) so don’t seek it out in a partner.