The Different Kinds of Love Languages

Love is a universal language, but did you know that we all have different ways of expressing and receiving it? In this article, we will explore the different kinds of love languages and explain how understanding them can enhance your relationships.

The history of love languages

While love languages are as old as time, it was the marriage counsellor and author Dr Gary Chapman, who formally introduced the concept to us. Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages® topped various bestseller charts for years, has sold over twenty million copies and been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007. This fascinating topic isn’t only relevant to couples either. Love languages apply to all humans, of all ages, so getting to grips with them will help you navigate your interactions with family members, children, friends and even colleagues, as well as those you’re dating.

How many love languages are there?

There can be some disagreement on this. While the most common answer would be five, there are some who claim seven or ten possibilities. However, we’ll be working with the five original ones in this article, as they are comprehensive, yet simple to break down. These are:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Acts of service
Physical touch
Gifts

Next, let’s take a deep dive into all five…

Identifying the different kinds of love languages in a relationship

Words of affirmation

Some people thrive on verbal expressions of love and appreciation. If your partner's primary love language is words of affirmation, they value your words immensely. Compliments, kind thoughts, encouraging messages and words of appreciation will make them feel cherished and adored. Remember to offer sincere and specific compliments to truly make an impact. A simple "I love you" or "You look beautiful" can go a long way. But even better are specific, thought-out comments that show you have noticed who they are and what matters to them. If you feel awkward saying them out loud or struggle to think on your feet, why not leave them the odd note on occasion and send loving messages or texts?

Quality time

For those who prioritise time spent together, giving your undivided attention is crucial. This love language emphasises spending meaningful moments as a couple, engaging in activities or simply having heartfelt conversations. It's not necessarily about the quantity but the quality of the time spent. But it’s likely they will want to be an important part of your schedule, rather than feel you’re squeezing them in around other things. Be sure to plan date nights, to create the kinds of frequent lasting memories that will strengthen your connection and bond.

Acts of service

Actions speak louder than words for most of us, but particularly for individuals whose primary love language is acts of service. They appreciate when their partner goes out of their way to help, support, or fulfil their needs in a practical way. Ideas in this domain include preparing a meal, running errands, or completing chores on behalf of your date/partner. To someone with this love language, what you do can demonstrate your love and thoughtfulness. By alleviating some of their burdens and putting skin in the game in terms of making a tangible effort, you show that you care and are invested in their well-being.

Physical touch

Some people are really tactile, others are not. Those for whom physical touch is their primary love language, fall into the first category. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, or even a gentle touch on the arm can speak volumes to these individuals. Physical intimacy, such as kissing and sex, is also essential for them to feel deeply connected and they may feel neglected if this isn’t present. That doesn’t mean you should disregard your own boundaries. However, it’s important you’re willing to be affectionate in some way if you’re partnered with an individual with this love language.

Receiving gifts

Do you feel most loved when you receive gifts? The this may be your love language. It's important to note that this one is not about materialism but rather the thought and effort behind the gift. Meaningful and thoughtful presents evidence that you know your partner well and have taken the time to choose something that resonates with them. It could be as simple as a handwritten note or a small token of affection. Although setting aside a little of your disposable income on them can also speak volumes. Much like acts of service, it can be a way of evidencing commitment in a selfless manner.

Why are love languages important?

Understanding the different love languages can greatly enhance your dating experience and deepen your connection with your partner. By discovering and acknowledging each other's love languages, you can effectively communicate your affection and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Remember, love languages are not set in stone, and they may evolve over time, so staying attuned to each other's needs is crucial for long-term happiness and harmony.

Your own love language’s meaning

While you will typically have a primary love language, it's essential to recognise that you may express and appreciate love in different ways. And it’s normal to enjoy all five, just to differing degrees. This basis of theory is all about seeking to uncover your partner's love language and express your own. It may even tell you a lot about who you are as a whole, where you’ve come from and the formative experiences that shaped you into who you are today, as a lover.

Related Questions

Can I have all five love languages?
Many people enjoy experiencing all of the love languages, but each is a spectrum. It’s likely there will be one or two that light your fire more than the others and that are non-negotiable for you in a relationship. Which do you think resonated most with you from the list?

What is my love language?
Don’t worry if you just can’t figure it out and you’re still unsure of your primary love language/s after reading this article. You can take this quiz to identify yours and get closer to understanding your overall relational style. And it may be worth asking family or friends what they think your love languages may be.